This past weekend we had a great 4th of July. We stayed at my moms friday night {got a neck cramp from the bed} and in the morning the honeys went golfing. Friday we got to spend a bit on Willard Bay and did a bit of boating and floating and tanning. Of course I forgot the camera and have nothing to show for it. waaaa. We did have fun. I love lounging and sunning, don't you?
On top of the fun life comes into play……
Sunday afternoon Jerika became a little distressed with her bunnies. One was just laying there struggling and not really looking to good. Ammon came in and got me and we stood around and watched as her bunny struggled for her last little bit of life. What could I say except that I was sorry. Show a bit of sympathy, and comfort for her.
I guess this is just part of the world isn't it? I am not a fan of pets dying, yet we are surrounded by pets. We currently have 9 chickens, 3 fish, 1 dog, 1 cat, 2 inside birds, and now 1 bunny.
Before we went to my moms on Friday me and the kids went and stopped by to see my Grandma who was back into her assisted living from the hospital. She had a few issues and was on some meds that mess a little bit with the mind… needless to say she has taken a drastic turn in her life. She is 90 years old and has been a widow for over 27. She has come back to her home….but it isn't the home she wants to be in. She wants to go to her other home. Heaven. She is done. She is ready. She has made a decision. This is her decision.
On arriving the kids find the little cuboard with quiet toys and play. I try to get a few confersations in. Not much of a responce. Nods her head yes or no. Says short answers. My uncle was there and we spoke for a bit and she complained she couldn't hear us. She was noticably not herself. The kids asked a few questions and I had to wait till we were in the car before I could talk about what is going on with her.
Saturday before returning home we stopped by again– this time with the honey. She was a bit more spunky- but still not by much. She was a bit more responsive in conversation. She even said Friday was a hard day for her.
I think sometimes that life is decided by God. He is the one that chooses if you die from something or not. There comes a time {I think Grandma has hit it} that you are tired of waiting for him to make that choice for you. I think she has decided for herself that her time is up. Her mother did that when she was older…. maybe it is just in her blood. She doesn't want to eat– and won't. She doesn't want to do her excersizes– and won't. She just doesn't want to be here any more.
I feel a little sad and confused with this choice she has made. There is me and my kids sitting there—at the moment. We are still here. We are still wanting her to stay here. We are a bit hurt that she would choose something else above the moment, above life, above her family supporting her. This choice she has made is a little bit of a selfish one.
Yet, I can understand it. She is tired. She is achy. She is not enjoying her life here anymore. What more is there for her to do? What is she here to accomplish? What is her purpose now?
I am LDS and I believe in life after this. I believe that when we die we will be surrounded by those who have left life before us. There is a purpose to our lives. There is meaning in our lives. Our family. Our choices. I don't believe she will be judged for her decision. I believe her honey will be there and how lucky is she! To have someone there.
Because of what I have been taught and what I believe I am at ease with death. I have been surrounded by it {as everyone else}. I think that I have even had a taste of it. –I had open heart surgery when I was 3 and my mom says that there were a few close moments. Not to say I am totally comfortable with it. I mourn for the loss. I am sad that their spirit and presence is not with us anymore. I lost my bestfriend and named Jerika after her because of it. 5 years ago we lost the honeys mom to Lou Gherigs.
2 years ago we had a dinner for my other grandpas 90th birthday. It was on a Friday. It was wonderful! Everyone was there. Pictures were taken, stories shared. But to tell you the truth all he said was 'i want to go home'. He said his goodbyes that night and was gone from us on Monday. He too had made that choice.
Is it wrong of me to want to run out there and have the kids take pictures of them with her? I am not sure her time will be long here. She will have to choose life and have a big change of heart before that will happen.
I share these moments, not to cause issues. Not to start a debate. Just to speak it. Get it out there. Share myself and what happens to everyone at some point or another.
I am not in the position of chosing for myself. I am still waiting for my time that God has chosen for me. I am still trying to find my purpose. Enjoy my moments with my family. Share myself with others.
Have you had to deal with this in your life? What is your reaction to it? What did you do to handle it?
I Love TheHIVE
